Without You
by SuperCasshern
Summary: Dreams can be strange. They can be sad and scary and confusing, but sometimes they can be exactly what you need. Sequel to "Digital Love"


**Author's note: So I put this together after a particularly bad run-in with my ex and it turned into a bridge for my other iCarly stories. This is all post #KillerTunaJump just to give some kind of timeline. Thanks to whoever takes the time to read this and any constructive criticism is always welcome.**

* * *

"Hey." she says as she takes a seat on the low wall behind me. She clacks her boot heels against the bricks and gives me her best smile while she waits for my response.

My voice catches in my throat and my eyes go wide. Her eyes are a brilliant lightning blue and they spark a flame in my chest. She brushes her curly golden blonde locks away from her ample chest and straightens out the old gray _"Special Ham"_ penny tee that she had stolen from me back in high school.

She smiles and waves her hands in front of my face, "I said _'hey,'_ nub."

I snap back and clear my throat. "Hey, Princess." I take one of her hands and place a chaste kiss on it.

She giggles like I've never heard before and breaks my grip so she can run her fingers through my hair. "Have you been waiting long?" she asks while picking a stray leaf out of my disheveled quiff.

"For years and years, Sammy." I reply.

Her smile turns from a joyous one into one of pity. "I know, I'm sorry."

Her hand moves down to my cheek and suddenly I'm lost in the softness of her palm. It's been too long since I've felt her hands on me, so long that I'd have settled for her usual slaps to my dome when I did something that she deemed stupid.

"You missed her a lot, huh," she says in a soothing tone, "She missed you, too, Freddie."

"Did you?"

"Of course she did, she told you that, didn't she?"

I laugh as I reach for her hand again and entwine my fingers with hers. "You made me treat you to dinner AND you took eighty bucks from my wallet."

She frowns, "Yeah, she does that sometimes." She pulls me to my feet and wraps her arms around my neck. "She loves you a lot, she wouldn't do that if she didn't."

I nod and place my forehead against hers, "I know. I think I know. Why do you always take money from me anyway?"

"Because she doesn't trust anyone else like she trusts you." she replies softly. She places gentle kisses along my cheek and up to my ear before coming back and making eye contact with me. "You got real handsome, nub."

"You got real beautiful, princess." I reply. I brush a stray lock away from her China doll face and kiss the tip of her adorable nose before she abruptly catches my lips with hers. My knees go rigged and my hands automatically clamp down on her back and pull her as close to me as she can possibly get. It's getting harder for me to breathe, she's suffocating me with her tongue and Lord help me I like it. No, I love it. I love being pulled into her, getting lost in her hunger for me.

Finally she pulls away, "Was that as good as you remember?" she asks with a devious smile.

I nod, "Exactly like I remember."

She gives a sheepish smile that I've never seen before and blushes a soft shade of pink. "Of course it is." she replies. She nuzzles her head in the crook of my neck. "Why couldn't it have been this way from the beginning?" she sighs before lightly kissing me right under my jaw line.

"It could've been, but you left." I reply coldly, much colder than I intended.

The sweet angel pulls away from me and stares at me with tear-filled eyes. "She didn't have a choice, y'know. She had to find our who she was."

"You know who are are, Sam!" I yell, shaking the poor girl by the shoulders. "You've always known. That's why I-" My words choke the anger out of me and I sigh. I begin rubbing her arms trying desperately to make up for whatever pain I had just caused her.

"She loves you, too, Freddie."

My eyes shoot up to meet hers and I let out a nervous chuckle. "What?" I ask doubtfully.

"She loves you, stupid." she repeats with a smile. "She told you that. Lord, even in here you sure are dense." She places her pointer finger to my head and laughs. She stops smiling and looks at me quizzically, "Don't you remember? _'What kind of friend are you, bringing Freddie down here and flirting with him when you know he's the only guy I ever loved.'_ She said that to Cat."

"I remember that, of course I do." I say. "Hold on, why do you keep talking like that?" She keeps talking about herself in the third person. I hadn't noticed it until right now, I don't know why.

She just smiles again and kisses my chin, then my nose, then finally my lips. "Silly nub, haven't you noticed where we are?"

I break eye contact with her and gasp. White, everything is white. No trees, no cars, no people, not even the wall she was sitting on is there. "What? What the chizz is going on, Sam?"

She roughly pushes me away and bites the tip of her thumb like a guilty child. "Freddie, I wish we could be together forever, but you need to face reality." I try to encircle her in my arms again, but she places her hands out to stop me. "Freddie, you love her so much, I think it's time to tell her, but that means you need to go."

"What are you talking about?!" I yell. "Why do you keep talking like that?! What—what is going on, Sam?" I lower my hands in defeat, "Sam, where am I supposed to go? I miss you. I want to be with you."

She laughs through mascara streaks, "I know you do, which is why you need to WAKE UP, YOU NUB!"

.

"HUGH!" There's a sharp pain in my stomach and suddenly I'm gasping for air.

"Oh, chizz, you okay?"

I manage to crack open a bloodshot eye and my response catches in my throat. Her eyes are a brilliant lightning blue and they spark a flame in my chest. She brushes her curly golden blonde locks away from her ample chest and straightens out the old burgundy _"Pump Up The Fruit"_ penny tee that she had stolen from Spencer back in high school.

She smiles and waves her hands in front of my face, "Earth to Freddie, you reading me, nub?"

I snap back and clear my throat, "You landed on my stitches." I say dryly.

"Oh, dip!" she replies. "Here, let's sit you up." Sam gently takes my still bandaged arm and hoists me into a sitting position. She brushes the stray bits of hair away from my eyes and softly runs her fingers down my cheek. She catches herself doing what she swore she wouldn't do and slaps me on my knee. "There you go, Freddalina." she says before taking a seat at the opposite end of the couch.

I moan a bit and check my bandages. It had only been four days since Robbie Shapiro, the boyfriend of Sam's roommate Cat Valentine and all-around weirdo, and I had fallen into a vat of Kansas Razorback Tuna and about a two days since I was allowed to leave the hospital. After I had gotten out Sam had practically forced me to recuperate on her blue non-pullout couch. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever slept on, but with almost thirty stitches zig-zagging their way across my body it sure felt like it.

"So, when's your flight?" Sam asks while picking popcorn out of a bowl I had failed to notice earlier.

I sigh, "Tomorrow at six. Any later and I'd be missing too many classes." I turn my head as best I can thanks to the knot in my neck and see Sam zoned out. No, zoned isn't the right word. She's doing that thing she used to do, a blank stare used to cover up whatever pain she felt while talking about things she didn't like. She didn't do it very often, she was more accustomed to throwing punches in the face of emotions, but sometimes it would be too much for her and she'd just shut down.

 _"Freddie, you love her so much, I think it's time to tell her,"_

Ugh, nothing like getting kicked in the shin by your own brain. She's right though, the Sam in my head. I need to tell her. I reach for the bowl on Sam's lap and double over at what I can only assume is now a popped stitch.

"Woah, Benson." Sam half shouts. She tosses the bowl on the coffee table and gently lays me against the arm rest. She pulls my feet back up onto the couch and kneels next to me. "Geez, you really did it this time, nub." she playfully mocks as she checks my bandage. She winces at the amount of blood that stained the cotton swath.

"It's not so bad," I say trying to make her relax, "most of that blood is from the other night."

Sam looks up at me with even more concern now. "What d'you mean _'the other night?'_ How many stitches did you pop and why didn't you tell me?"

"Only two when Goomer dropped me on the couch." Mentally kicking myself I quickly take her hand in mine, "Don't hurt him, it's not his fault."

"Are you kidding?" she asks rhetorically, "He hurt my nub and mama doesn't take kindly to that."

I can't help but smile, " _'Your nub,'_ huh?"

She blushes a deep crimson before pulling her hand away from mine and tying my replacement bandage a bit too tight. "There, good as new." she says. She bites her bottom lip and takes my hand again. "Freddie," she whispers, "do you really need to leave tomorrow?"

I smile, "I could probably push it back a few more days if I call the airline right now. Why?"

Sam shakes her head, "Nevermind, I shouldn't ask. You got a lot of stuff going on back home." She stands and marches over to the refrigerator. She violently rips the cap off of a soda bottle and starts to chug it. She chucks the bottle into the recycling and turns to return to the couch. Suddenly she jumps back slamming herself into the fridge and lets out a gasp.

"Sammy." I say gently. I had worked through the pain in my side and managed to sneak up behind her.

She puts her palm up to her eye and sighs, "Oh, Lord, Freddie...I felt my heart stop. When did you get so ninja?"

I slowly pull her hand away from her face and place my lips against hers. It's nothing elaborate, no tongue, no manic urge to feed on each others lips. The kiss is complex without being frantic, like the first time out on the fire escape. Complex and simple and like a million points of light running through your brain.

"I love you."

"Still?" she asks breathlessly.

"Still. There isn't anyone else I'd rather be with."

She frowns, "What about Carly? She told me about the kiss."

Of course she did. Carly was an angel, but give her a secret and she's no better than a balloon rubbing up against a box of needles. "Sam, I have never regretted anything more in my life than that moment." I pray she believes me. Somehow, someway, I hoped that the insecure Sam from the past had been thrown off the back of her motorcycle somewhere between Seattle and California.

"I love you, too, you nerd." she replies, "I always have. I just-" she sighs, "-I needed time to get myself together. Do you honestly think it would've worked out if we just jumped back into it? Lord, Freddie, I hated kids with a passion and now I take care of them for a living. I'm growing here, I couldn't do that back home."

I just nod. She had an undeniable point, we would've been at each other's throats all the time without Carly around, as much as I hated to admit it I had to agree with her.

"And look at you." Sam says as she cups my face in her hands, "You got all muscley and handsome. Carly said you got into the Seattle Institute of Technology. You're amazing, Freddie. Could you have done all that if I was still around getting into all kinds of trouble?"

"Maybe."

"Seriously?"

I shake my head, "No, of course not. I'd drop everything to help you, I'd never study, I'd always be afraid of losing you to jail or your mom or anything else my brain could concoct no matter how far-fetched it was."

"Exactly." she replies. She kisses me again and rests her forehead against mine, "We're becoming who we're supposed to be, but we both know that we need more time. I love you, Freddie Benson. Nothing is gonna change that."

"I love you, too, Sam Puckett." There's a beat before I crack a devilish grin, "Y'know, I'm almost positive I can get my flight pushed back one more day without having to pay anything extra."

"Um...I kinda already did that." Sam replies.

I shake my head, "You—how did—what?"

"I babysit for a lot of airport workers, I knew a guy who worked for United so..."

I laugh, "Puckett you are wicked."

She leans in and whispers into my ear, "Maybe one day you'll find out how wicked I can really be."


End file.
